Worries for the future

I feel my heart feels heavy at the moment with worrying about the future. I know that I am very lucky in many respects, I have a loving husband, a wonderful son and supportive family. We have jobs and we make ends meet, our home is nice and we don't go without food. I know that there are so many people less fortunate, I know this.

What is worrying me right now is what does our future hold? At the moment I feel our hands our tied financially and of course this has a bearing on our lives and I feel our happiness. Take just earlier, I popped out of the flat to take the bin out.  I was immediately struck by how warm it was outside and how lovely it must be to sit out in the garden, at this time of the day, just relaxing letting the world go by. I walked down the road thinking how nice it is to be outdoors in the summer, seeing as we spend so much of our time indoors during the winter months. Unlike other countries, our outdoor living is comparatively short lived.

I have these terrible guilty feelings lately, for Beastie. Before he came along my priorities and outlook were different. I felt that we could change most aspects of our lives if we so wanted to. I have upped sticks and moved a few times around the country and have never been afraid of embracing change, I like change. What has struck me now though is that although we would dearly love to move, we are financially unable to. Every now and then I have a brain wave about how we can get out it but it always ends up with the same conclusion, we can't.

My worries are centred around what kind of childhood we can offer Beastie. I don't expect a long sweeping garden complete with a tree house (although that would be nice), I would just like some outdoor space with some sunlight and a place for him to run about and let off steam, mess about with a sand pit and water table and career round in his car, if he so wishes. Our childhoods mould who we are and I am aware of that lately. At the moment it feels like we might be living here for many more years, something which we never banked on when the market was at it's peak when we bought. We were lucky to get a mortgage when we did but it feels like a mill around our neck now. The fact we didn't choose a house will always niggle away at me. Quite simply we were living the lifestyle that suited us then, not really thinking ahead to when two become three.

Now the babyhood stage has passed we are faced with much more, a small person is being guided by my husband and I. We decide what he sees and experiences and I wonder whether he is experiencing what he should. I dread him having memories of being confined to a flat and even worse having no real memories of outdoor fun (at home) when he was little. It doesn't help the fact that I don't like the area that we live in and I don't always feel comfortable visiting some of the local parks and even walking around the area surrounding us. I worry what life will be like when Beastie is a teenager and what living in this area will be like then, times have already changed so much from when I was little, it's scary.

I guess we always think the grass is greener on the other side, that's part of human nature. If we didn't want to try and better our lives and look forward to new things then life would become a little dull and samey. I wonder whether we are ever truly happy when we reach our longed for goals?

What I have concluded is that something needs to change in our lives, I know that much. More than anything I need to make a concerted effort to take Beastie out more, to try and enjoy as much as the great outdoors can offer us. We need to focus on getting more financially secure (even though it feels like an uphill struggle) and look to the future with a positive outlook. It's just remaining optimistic and a glass 'half full' type of approach, something that's not always the easiest thing to do.

Nb. This is in no way meant to make anybody think that I don't know how lucky I am, compared to all the problems around the world, my problems fade into insignificance. It is just an account of my worries at the moment.

Silent Sunday...

Becoming a grown up on the London Underground

This week I had another trip to London to attend Christmas in July and it was to be the second time getting the tube on my own. To seasoned Londoners, this statement probably seems absurd and ridiculous, I mean how difficult can it be? Well with me anything can happen. Now I am not a dappy person by nature (at least I hope people don't label me as that) but give me a bit of pressure and I can make some down right stupid decisions. Really stupid moves, that I possibly wouldn't tell people about. I have made some silly moves on car journeys and have ended up driving through city centres that I didn't mean to head to. Stressed was not the word.

I used to work in London and got the train to Marylebone every day. What I did manage to successfully pull off was dodging tube rides. I had a half hour walk to work from the station and for me this was perfect to avoid the tube, get exercise and save me money. The obvious choice indeed but it just put off the inevitable, I had always told people I don't 'do' the tube but I always knew it might catch up with me one day. Face your fears is the best policy isn't it?

This particular trip to London would involve the tube, no avoiding it, including one change. I had braved the tube a couple of months earlier and successfully got myself on the right tube and got from A to B smoothly, I knew then that I had made a fuss about nothing. I never used to be particularly wimpy but for some reason I have never wanted to embrace the tube.

I have got flights on my own and found them to be no problem, I think the fact that it is quite a controlled environment at an airport makes it easier. You just need to find your check in desk on the screen, check in, drop off your bags and take yourself off to departures. It involves a lot of queuing and although I hate waiting in line, it gives me plenty of time to figure out whether I might have made an error or not, a potentially massive error. Nothing horrendous like the wrong flight, that couldn't happen.

So I left home positive about my day but had that slight unease like you get just before an interview, I then got the train and marched on down to the underground. Took the horrific escalators (see this post), followed the crowds (looking like I knew where I was going) and jumped on the Bakerloo line and then knew to change for the Metropolitan line, easy peasy. That was until I got distracted when I had to squeeze in the doorway and face someones armpit whilst being acutely aware that the man in front of me was looking at my chest. The tube stopped and as I stood wedged in I realised just as it was moving away that I had indeed missed my stop. Damn. Well there is nothing like cocking up to make you sort your act and and properly work out how the tubes work, it's really not rocket science is it. I have annoyed myself by being so ignorant about it, always relying on people to drag me in the right direction. I eventually made it to Kings Cross after retracing my moves on the tube and having to ask someone *ahem* which train I needed to get from Baker Street. It wasn't clear and I didn't want to look bewildered and make myself a target for whatever.


After a great day in London and having met Not Yet a Yummy Mummy on arrival at the station I managed to avoid being lost (on my own), I headed off for the return journey. I knew where I was heading, I walked briskly with the crowds, making swift turns here and there until I had arrived at the correct platform. Even after reading it was the correct platform, once the train arrived I got on looked around and suddenly thought 'no this is the wrong one' and got straight off. I wasn't going to make a blunder this time and thought it better to be safe than sorry and you don't get much time to think as it is. Fortunately most people had got on the train so no one would have seen what a fool I was. So I reassessed the situation only to see that this particular train had my stop en route, as did every train! So six minutes later I got on the train along with the other fifty million people that had just descended on the platform. I knew I should have got the earlier train...

Christmas in July

I was very fortunate to be able to attend this event at the Camden Centre in London. The title of the event in itself sounds rather exciting, you don't even have to be a kid! This is an annual event attended by journalists, members of the toy trade and bloggers. It is a chance for suppliers to showcase their new products in plenty of time for them to appear in Christmas toy features.

It took me a little while to decide whether or not to take my two year old son along. I was torn between wanting him to see all the toys for himself and road test them and then realising the practicalities of taking a toddler on the tube, alone. I can just about take myself on the tube (I have improved considerably) and thought the whole experience would not bode well. I also knew that the excitement of all the toys would probably be too much and he wouldn't understand the concept of 'moving onto the next stand'. It was fantastic to see so many children there but for me I know I made the right decision in the end.

Once again it was an opportunity to catch up with some lovely Mummy bloggers I have met and have a get together much sooner than I thought following CyberMummy.

UKMums.tv were there and recruited a few bloggers to be on their panel to choose their top toys for this Christmas. They were given different categories in which to make their choices and you can see the final verdict for the MUMS Choice winners over on their site here. Below is the board for MUMS Choice where a few of the blog headers were displayed.

It was a very busy morning, walking round visiting all the stands and seeing first hand what exciting toys will be on offer this Christmas. There were lots of exciting developments with Thomas the Tank Engine promoting their new DVD and I could see their range has expanded somewhat. It was great to see the Smurf's are making a come back too! I could go into great detail about all the toys but I would be here all day and quite frankly bore you, so my favourite toys of the day are shown below.

In particular one of the leading brands that caught my attention was VTech. I am already a fan of their range of products as it is and was pleased to see they had some great new toys on display. The two girls on the stand were very easy to talk to and enthusiastic about the new products, with some great demonstrations! I particularly liked the Kidizoom camera, featuring functions such as video recording and a swivel camera, perfect for kids taking pictures of themselves. The camera was also extremely robust, perfect for butter fingers!

The VTech Toot-Toot Driver Garage was very interactive and is aimed at children from 12 months onwards. You can collect six different vehicles, the usual fire engine, ambulance etc with corresponding sirens/horns. What makes the garage clever is that is recognises the vehicles, letting little ones match the vehicle with the sounds, which of course is great for them to learn independently.

The Kidiminiz interactive pets were great fun. You can clap you hands to make them sing and dance as well as placing two together so they can communicate. They also serve a function as an alarm clock so this was an all round great multi functional product.

Above shows the Kidizoom Twist Camera, Toot-Toot Driver Garage and the Kidminiz pets.

Now for me, the range from Bladez Toyz was the most innovative of the day. As a kid I loved all things girly but I did also have a large collection of corgi cars where I would spend hours making make shift car parks etc. Also having a little boy who is mad on cars this stand was always going catch my eye.

The Pump and Play inflatable remote controlled vehicles were fantastic. What made them so great was the fact they were inflatable, they were even whizzing around my feet and bashed into a few legs but no harm was done due to no solid edges! They are so robust that you can even drive them off a table and the unit underneath bares no damage. They are designed to be handled with less care than an ordinary remote controlled vehicle that can get damaged so easily. I also liked the fact they have considered girls when designing this toy and you can see that the Piggy and Puppy would be equally as attractive to a girl (if not the cars).

Being presented with a 5th birthday edition Trunki was a fantastic highlight and end to the day. Beastie already has a Tiger Trunki that has been on holiday with us already and quite frankly was a life saver at the airport. If there is one travelling essential you don't have for your child, I would suggest one of these. Now he has a lime green one to choose from too (spoilt boy) which will come in very handy for number two (no I'm not pregnant). So thank you very much Trunki and for all the surprise goodies inside. Take a look at what else Trunki are bringing out soon, their range just keeps getting better and better. I particularly love The Gruffalo range, too cute.

The Gallery: Grandparents

I see this week it is open to choose whichever generation of grandparents you wish. I immediately thought of my own grandparents and knew this post had to be about them. I have posted pictures previously of them and this is a great opportunity to put a few pictures in one place as a memory page for my family and I.

As a few of you may know I lost my last remaining grandparent a few weeks ago and I feel very blessed to have had him around for so long. Somewhat hauntingly I have lost a grandparent every ten years. That's life and I understand that, my Auntie made my Mum laugh by pointing out that they were next in line to fall off the apple tree! Sometimes you have to make light of what is sadly a fact of life.

Here are some pictures that I have in an album. I am regretful that I don't really keep albums these days, especially ones of old photo's. One day I will get round to properly sorting them all out and printing off the vast amounts of photo's stored on the computer.

With my maternal Nan

My paternal Nan

My paternal Nan will forever live on in my memories as being a super cool Nan. She never tired of playing tedious games with me and in her seventies she still loved the white knuckle rides at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. I am not sure I will be that cool, she was remarkable.

Both Nans with me

Maternal grandparents

All my grandparents with my very young parents

Unfortunately I never knew my paternal grandfather as I was too young to remember. The picture above is the only picture I have of him. I know as much that he certainly lives on in my Dad!

Finally here is my Grandpa meeting Beastie shortly after he born. He was so very happy to meet him and I will forever be thankful they got the chance to meet.

Maternal Grandpa

MUMenTUM - Monday Check in

I have been a bit slack lately with MUMenTUM and I want to apologise to all the lovely ladies who have contributed every week, rain or shine. I am back with a renewed vigour and want to truly make the most of this group and the support it brings.

I have just popped on the scales and they read roughly the same as they always do, which isn't a bad thing it just means that I am never really sure of what is going on. I might have a 'fat' day but it never really reflects on the scales and although I don't want to yo yo with my weight it's a strange indicator for me. No indicator in fact. As I am the same weight roughly as I was before Beastie I always tell myself that it's great I achieved that goal. What I always forget was that in actual fact I wasn't overly happy with my weight before and even my tummy. I now look back and wonder what on earth I was worrying about! hindsight is a wonderful thing. I realise it's how you feel at the time, it's all very well looking back and wishing for what we used to have only to remember at that point we probably weren't happy either. It's all about now and what's important now. What is important to me and my self worth.

The main focus for me now is to concentrate more on what I eat. I haven't been paying much attention to this lately at all, with being fairly busy, healthy eating has been on the back burner. As a result I am feeling lethargic and sluggish.

Like many people, every now and then I need to sit and take stock. I feel a new approach is needed as the old ones simply are not sustainable for me. I have been reading about the revolution that is Thinking Slimmer and have heard such rave reviews that I feel it is a must for me to try. So soon I will be joining in with all the hype...I shall be going to bed with Trevor like thousands of others.

Take a look at what everyone else is achieving through the blog hop:

Silent Sunday...